For the first time in my life, I’m experiencing an attack on Israel in Israel. Because it’s the first time, because I haven’t felt the hit as often as my friends around me, I’m less numb. Frankly, I’m terrified.
Logically, I would be terrified of the rockets that have been flying into Israel. 12,000 since we pulled out of the Gaza Strip, about 1,000 this year, and over 150 in the past 72 hours, to be exact. I should be terrified of the backlash from the assassination of the cruel leader of Hamas, the major Palestinian terrorist organization. Logically, I should be terrified because my brother and multiple friends are in the army and are about to give their all to fight an enemy that feels nothing. I should be terrified that my school, which in general makes fun of the American seminaries for being overly cautious about terror threats, has asked us to avoid leaving campus for the next couple of days. That a siren went off during kabbalat shabbat because a rocket hit way closer to Jerusalem that previously held possible. I should be absolutely terrified of all of these things.
And I am. Please, don’t get me wrong. This situation is not exempt from my constant paranoia.
Still, in the end of the day, my school’s just being careful. Most of the action with the rockets is only in the South for now. I’m more scared for the lives of the people who live near the Gaza Strip than for my own.
What really terrifies me is the overwhelming expression of ignorance in the world. The amount of hate and lies that the Internet cultivates. In no way should these oblivious and savage people be given a platform to express themselves, and in no way should any “news source” be given this prestigious title while functioning on such a profoundly biased selection of information. For some twisted reason, I can’t stop reading it all and becoming more and more terrified.
Yesterday, I asked one of my Israeli friends why almost all respected news sources didn’t report on the rockets that Gaza has shot into Israel so heavily throughout the past couple of years, yet are now reporting solely on attacks on Gaza that have been going on for a few days. Why such an immediate response? Why such an aversion to a blatant truth? Her response was one that I’ve heard before and generally dismiss immediately: the majority of this world is avidly, illogically anti-Semitic.
I’m terrified that this time I didn’t dismiss the idea immediately. I’m comforted because I did eventually.
I’m optimistic so I criticize myself for feeling a little hopeless. I’m cynical so I criticize myself for not being cynical enough about the world. I’m terrified of the blindness to the rampant, baseless, violent hatred of innocent people. I’m terrified not only for the stability of the country, but the stability of human morality.
I’m terrified that this has been going on for a while and that it’s only dawning on me now. That one day, if not on the field, but on the street or in a classroom, I’ll have to defend myself from these vicious monsters. That I’ll be too terrified to defend the innocent to do so coherently and intelligently. That in the end of the day, these monsters don’t even have ears or eyes to acknowledge a shred of truth.
I’m terrified of the terror that is plaguing not just Southern Israel but the moral consciousness of the world.

In general, I hate posting or discussing anything political or intensely controversial. But I have never been this personally terrified or desperate for hope. I need to write this through to understand what I think.
I think although I’m terrified that all I can do right now is pray for the people and the minds of the world, I’m grateful that I can do just that. And I’m positive that with all the terror that suffocates my thoughts, there is no other place I would rather be right now, to delve into what has stood by us for generations and what will help us stand now.
May we no longer be terrified of their toxic cruelty.
May HaKadosh Baruch Hu save us from their hand.