Month: December 2013

trade

I still remember the way James eyed me down last Monday as he moved the Kit Kat across the desk.

“What are you willing to offer?” He raised an eyebrow and squinted his eyes.

My hands were already sticky from the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had for lunch, and the moisture developing in my palms didn’t help. Don’t show him, I thought. You got this.

I glared into his dark blue eyes and refused to look at the chocolate bar. “How do I know I can trust you?” I asked.

James tilted his head back, cackled, then stopped abruptly and leaned in. “My product is some of the finest this class has ever seen. Heck, the finest this 4th grade has ever seen!” He paused. “So really, what choice do you have?”

“I have plenty,” I assured, though he and I knew I had none. I stole a glance at the rainbow clock on the wall. Recess was over and we both sensed it. Panting and chatty, our competitors filed into the room and took their seats.

“Well then,” he snickered as he sat back in his chair, “get back to me when those options run out.”

I dug my nails into the plastic baggie of cut up apples in my hand, took out my favorite Powerpuff Girls folder, and did my best not to show how upset I was when my nail polish came off or even look in his direction. With one last bit of guts, right as Mrs. Greener was about to start, I turned to him and whispered, “not gonna happen.”

I really hope he didn’t notice I clenched my apples into sauce.
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bobbing for apples

Today, I neglected to remember one fact per apple I hoarded from the cafeteria:

a. I was not going straight back to my dorm

b. I was not carrying a bag, and

c. I cannot juggle.

(a) thus I walked down the street like an idiot (b) holding two apples in one hand and one apple and my phone in the other, like one of those people who juggles at a talent show but hasn’t realized the music already started.

(c),  I bet if I was juggling, people would be pretty impressed.

It turns out this isn’t the first time I’ve done this. Let’s remain in metaphor, yes? I’m tempted to take apples because I figure they’ll be good for later then remember that they’re devilishly inconvenient for me now. I forget that I cannot juggle without going from three apples to none, or three apples to three very badly bruised apples.

Because it’s not just about the apples. It’s all the stuff I might be good at; all the stuff I’d like; where I’m needed, when I need it. When I need to help, fix, jump, slide, stay awake, fret, laugh, yell, smile, smile more… and carry three apples.

They say, keep your head above water, but as it turns out I can bob in and out sometimes and still swim against the tide.

They say, bob for one apple at a time.

They say, you can’t juggle.

I know, one day, I might end up on the bottom of the ocean with three bruised apples floating above my head.

They say, don’t mix metaphors.

But I still try, and I’m not sure why.

the true college tour

Slightly abridged version, written for a final paper, based on Lucian’s “The True History.”

Welcome to Barnard! My name is Tova, and I’ll be your tour guide today! It’s hard to believe that it’s been a whole two years since I’ve been in your place: eager to find an academic institution that would find me worthy, eager to find the perfect place to accumulate knowledge and experience. So eager, in fact, that I spent many a sleepless night studying for the SATs, working on supplementary essays, and staring at my computer screen in a stress coma. If I’m not mistaken, that young lady over there is falling asleep just as I talk! Don’t worry, bud. If you’re not up for this tour, please go and take a nap. There’s a really comfy couch on the third floor of that building over there.

In fact, I’m going to give all of you a break. Whether this is your first college tour or your fiftieth, I’m sure you’ve all heard the same El Dorado spiels of grassy lawns and peppy clubs. Some places even create their own unique forms of deceit! I won’t go on calling out other colleges, but I might as well mention the University of Pennsylvania, who told you that there’s plenty to do in the city of Philadelphia; or Boston University, who told you that despite the huge campus, everyone knows each other by name; or the University of Maryland, which claims it houses a bowling alley. Obviously, none of this is possible. But it makes for a hell of a tour, so Barnard followed suit. For the past sixty days, I’ve given countless tours spewing the same old bullshit you’ve all heard since you engaged in this downward spiral that is college apps. I’m not so shocked by the corruption of the tours as much as I am by the credulity of all the suckers I’ve brought around. So, you know what? I can use a break too! Let’s be honest with each other, shall we? I’m going to tell you, right here, right now, that I have no intention whatsoever of telling the truth throughout our time together. This should be fun. Let’s get started!
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