JESS sits on a chair on one end of the stage. Faces and speaks toward audience.
MICHAEL, FRANNIE, and EMMA sit on a panel of chairs on the other side. Face audience, speak toward JESS.
All #s should be pronounced “hashtag” aloud. / denotes interruption.
JESS
Stop telling me about your cats. No one cares about the freaking cats!
FRANNIE
My Lil Shmuffy is the absolute cutest! #catsarethecutest!
JESS
Stop. Telling. Me. About your cats. I don’t care.
FRANNIE
Look! Shmuffy’s drinking my bottle of wine! #catsarethecutest!
JESS
Do you even get how hashtags—
FRANNIE
#CATSARETHECUTEST!!!
JESS
I’m going to unfriend you, I’m not even kid—
FRANNIE
This is my Schmuffy in a beanie I made him! #catinthehat