Category: poetry

star gazing

*Crisp night air whirls around us
We grin at each other and start a race down the path
I’m running, and my jacket blows into a cape
Flying behind me as I start to laugh like crazy
Surrounded by new, perfectly crazy friends

While stopping to take a breath, the sky
Captivates me in its spectacular clarity
Stark black filled with millions of breathtakingly random sparks
I tip back my head and imagine for a moment that I’m
Flying and floating up among the lights

We choose to lie down in the middle of this path
Surrounded by a sleeping city, but it’s never too late for
Flying. Chatting and gazing while every so often
A hum slips from one of our smiles by accident

Then against my conscious will, breaking the
Calm, a giggle bursts out and moves the friends I’m
Surrounded by to stare for a moment then chuckle along
We keep laughing
So comfortable on the rough, hot, unsound gravel that
We decide to stay for just a bit longer*

deserted

Wet clothes stick to her skin, but nothing weighs her down
She screams and twirls in barren land, no one hears a sound
Tan mounds all around her, rocks under her bare feet
Wind whistles in her ears and she dances to the beat
She’s never seen a sky so blue, never anything so clear
She takes in the air to take in being here
And then it starts to crumble, a chill creeps onto her skin
She prays to God for just one chance
For the strength to hold it in

stuck

The word’s on the tip of my tongue. It’s dangling now.
With a little shove, it’d fall and I’d be able to speak.
Instead I stare at the wall. I draw a blank and then some doodles.

I open my mouth and rack my brain and hope something comes out that makes sense. It doesn’t.
Or that I’ll understand what’s going on.
I don’t.
Translating even when I don’t have to so I’m using my mind like some parents use Blackberries on vacations.

Every day it gets easier
But it’s always only a chip in the dam.
Maybe, to speed it up, I’ll use a…
Bulldozer? איך אומרים bulldozer?

Anything to get unstuck.

being productive

Things on my desk at 1:30 AM:

  • My computer, with Safari open, because Chrome shut me out after spending too much time on Facebook.
  • Root beer, which kind of makes me feel like a Homer Simpson-esque man. Not just because of the burping (excuse me), but also because of the Stewart’s bottle. At least it’s Diet. Homer wouldn’t drink Diet, I think.
  • White cheddar Popcorners. This isn’t helping the Simpson feeling.
  • A whiteboard filled with a list of stuff I should really be getting done.

Stuff to get done (at 1:30 AM):

  • Clean my room so as to best locate my carpet.
  • Start packing for that year abroad. Acknowledge that I have less than a week.
  • Email my campers like I’ve been meaning to since first month. Note that second month ends tomorrow.
  • Fill out medical forms for the year abroad.
  • Acknowledge that I have less than a week.
  • Erase stuff that’s repetitive.
  • Erase stuff that’s repetitive or that’s already been done.
  • Get stuff done to save space on the whiteboard.
  • Buy larger whiteboard.
  • Go to sleep to avoid acknowledging things.

Things to avoid acknowledging (at 1:30 AM):

  • I graduated from high school. Two months ago, so they tell me.
  • Some of my friends are already in Israel.
  • Some of my friends are going to college this year.
  • COLLEGE.
  • I’m going to have to join them sometime.
  • Someday, people are going to start treating me like a grown up.
  • I have less than a week.

How to spend less than a week (at 1:30 AM):

  • Write aimlessly
  • Make more lists
  • Save
  • Post

bark

“Oh my God, are you okay?”
They see my eye, they gasp and say
I pause and choose how I’ll explain the bruise

“I caught a baseball… with my face,”
I say with a strategic pace
Then they all laugh and tension is diffused

Or I’ll shrug, I’ll say “I’m fine,”
When clearly their concern’s benign
But I can’t take the “aw”s and pity hugs

Their jaws drop, their minds unsure
Of what to say, so I assure
With a smirk, “It’s fine, I’m taking drugs”

“Prince Fielder hit me,” I might try
And technically it’s not a lie
(a football-player-sized baseball player)

Though the ball was a foul hit
They always ask, “Did you catch it?!”
Treat me like some sort of dragon slayer

“Did he say sorry at the end?”
“Was it onscreen?” they ask my friend
I hope to God it wasn’t on TV

Because me staring like a freak
As it comes flying towards my cheek
Is not what I want everyone to see

“You should see the other guy,”
I grin, and if they ask why,
I tell them it happened in a brawl

But even if they think I fought
(which I can tell you, they do not)
The other guy’s a major league baseball

It was red, then black and blue
(at one point it was yellow too)
Now small marks remain of all the gory

It hurt a bit, but I’m alright
The bark was much worse than the bite
And this bark gave me one hell of a story

the age of auto-correct

I’ll be typing the word so
And right as I press the space
it’ll decide I mean do

Your dress is do cute?
I think
I guess it rhymes with too
Makes enough sense. I’ll leave it. 

Before I know it I’ve said
I want muggy bereft for lunch
I think
At least according to my phone

Soon enough, nothing I type means
What I’m thinking
But no one’s getting offended anymore, do
I think
I’ll just leave it

My problem was thinking before I spoke
But nowadays
I don’t think on my own do much

I think
This might be the age of auto-correct

hide and seek connection

You hide Your face, I’ll hide mine
Behind this messy, tangled vine
I can’t see through, I’m losing You
I don’t want to lose

You hide Your face, I’ll hide mine
I’ll try to bear, try to connect but
You’re not there
You’re everywhere

Sometimes, I fall into a haze,
My mask falls off
But Yours remains

I cry out, shout out, shuckle, try and
Squint my eyes, because even though
Your face is hidden behind the pain, I’ll entertain
Pretend it’s not true
Pretend I think I do know You

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?
Then I can’t help but wonder why
My love and fear and confusion swing
Each time I squint my eyes
And attempt to peer through

So you know what?
Fair game:
You hide Your face?
I’ll hide mine
I’ll wait for some kind of sign
So maybe someday I’ll be fine
With this love that’s so unclear

ghazal: falling

Fuzzy shapes in front of me, telling me to sleep
While my heart races and will not let me fall

Now my mind is racing, my pillow overhearing
‘bout all the times today when I took the fall

Clench then unclench fists, trying to forget
Forget what awaits, crouching in the Fall

Deep breaths, close lids, start dreaming, don’t do this
Again. The exhaustion will lead to that inevitable fall

I know the morning will come, but will I
Have fallen asleep at all? How long until I fall?

“Newspaper, psych, write a Ghazal,” whispers my
Mind to a weary body. And I’m just about to fall

ACHOO! Efforts wasted! For the love of…
Please, G-d, just let me fall!

Deep breaths, fuzzy shapes, mind slows,
Faded whispers, dream

And fall

And fall

And fall

frustration of the nose

My nose is stuffed.
I can barely breathe.
Tossing, and turning, and sneezing, I seethe.
Experience when
The clogging was clear
I struggle to, remember. I fear
My nose will be stuffed,
Forever in strife,
Reaching for tissues the rest of my life.

hangman

H
We guess, but his sickening grin
Widens as he adds one to his box
And hangs the head of the man in pen

A
We guess again, but he laughs
Not even close, so he adds one more
And hangs the torso of the man in pen

N
We shout, getting nervous now
His grin drops as he fills in a blank
And twirls the pen yet in his hand

G
We hoped this was hope
But the grin is back
He hangs one arm of the man in pen

M
We gulp, we can’t let go
His grin disappears once more
As he fills the blanks and twirls the pen

You can give up now,
He slyly says,
You can give up now and I’ll drop this pen

N-O
We respond, a defiant humph
But he points to the N and cackles
You don’t stand a chance

O
We proclaim, we won’t take this anymore
We’ll guess this, you’ll see
Though another arm is hanged of the man in pen

Two legs left,
He slyly says,
You can give up now and I’ll drop this pen

N-E-V-E-R
We respond, a defiant humph
But he points to the N and cackles
You don’t stand a chance

E
We shout
V
We shout
R
We don’t stop
As he fills in two blanks
But draws one in the box
And hangs the leg of the man in pen

We stare at the blanks
We squint
He snarls, go ahead

We guess
He gasps

The man in pen is free at last