- “There are no skeletons in my closet! 🙂 Well, okay, there are two. But they’re for research purposes, I swear.”
- “Enjoys romantic candle-lit dinners, because electricity is the devil’s spindle.”
- “Comes with minimal baggage! May need to borrow your clothes from time to time.”
- “My mom says she’ll do your laundry too!”
- “Looking for a female, ages 18-21. Must love to watch Whitney.”
- “Trust me, I don’t play games. World of Warcraft is a way of life.”
- “I’m a big fan of honesty. Abe Lincoln once called me the most honest person he’d ever met.”
- “Must love dogs and not be a female one ;)”
- “Enjoys long walks on the beach and running away from the coast guard.”
- “Looking to share a life, not an iPad, or a soda, or a bathroom. Keep the toilet seat up, woman.”
- “Looking for someone easygoing and fun- anything for Youtube views, am I right? ;)”
- “I’m not looking for anything serious- that’s what my wife is for.”
frustration of the nose
My nose is stuffed.
I can barely breathe.
Tossing, and turning, and sneezing, I seethe.
Experience when
The clogging was clear
I struggle to, remember. I fear
My nose will be stuffed,
Forever in strife,
Reaching for tissues the rest of my life.
breathe out
“Breathe in. Good. Now, hold your breath for a moment.”
My chest feels tight and the pinkish lighting in the doctor’s office makes me nauseous. My hands start to shake and I start thinking about it again. I start thinking about talking to him, about never talking to him again, about talking to him for the rest of my life, and I don’t know how to feel but I know I’m confused. I know I want to take a leap but I don’t know if the cliché’s are true. I don’t know if I want to lose it all and I don’t know if I will, and I don’t know if I really want to leap, because I never was that coordinated anyway. I fall further into my thoughts, tumbling and diving down, and I’m falling, and I’m falling. And everything’s surrounding me that I don’t want to risk, all the friendships and conversations and meaning, and my footing is nowhere in sight. Someone’s calling my name. He’s calling my name. Why is he calling my name? Now the doctor’s calling my name. Why is the doctor calling my name?
The squares on the ceiling of the office appear fuzzily in my eyes. My head kills.
“Tova?” the doctor says, his face materializing in front of me.
“Uh huh?”
“You forgot to breathe out.”
I forgot to what?
“I fainted?”
“Just a little bit,” the doctor chuckled. “Next time, breathe out eventually.”
hangman
H
We guess, but his sickening grin
Widens as he adds one to his box
And hangs the head of the man in pen
A
We guess again, but he laughs
Not even close, so he adds one more
And hangs the torso of the man in pen
N
We shout, getting nervous now
His grin drops as he fills in a blank
And twirls the pen yet in his hand
G
We hoped this was hope
But the grin is back
He hangs one arm of the man in pen
M
We gulp, we can’t let go
His grin disappears once more
As he fills the blanks and twirls the pen
You can give up now,
He slyly says,
You can give up now and I’ll drop this pen
N-O
We respond, a defiant humph
But he points to the N and cackles
You don’t stand a chance
O
We proclaim, we won’t take this anymore
We’ll guess this, you’ll see
Though another arm is hanged of the man in pen
Two legs left,
He slyly says,
You can give up now and I’ll drop this pen
N-E-V-E-R
We respond, a defiant humph
But he points to the N and cackles
You don’t stand a chance
E
We shout
V
We shout
R
We don’t stop
As he fills in two blanks
But draws one in the box
And hangs the leg of the man in pen
We stare at the blanks
We squint
He snarls, go ahead
We guess
He gasps
The man in pen is free at last
dear mr. fliver
- I was cooking an egg this morning and it turned out it was a baby chicken and it exploded out of the shell! So anyway, the chick ate Robbie. We’ll miss him terribly. Always, Robbie’s mom
- Robbie wanted to do his homework, but, alas, God came down on him and told him to watch TV. I figured, you can’t argue with that, right? So, Robbie’s been excused by God. Always, Robbie’s mom
- Robbie’s been pretty annoying lately, so I’m not excusing him for having pneumonia. Always, Robbie’s mom
- Allow me to explain—yesterday, Robbie had a dream. Robbie had a dream that one day we could all be equal, that students could assign teachers homework and that everything could be copasetic. Robbie was busy starting a revolution against teachers, and gathering the media. Please excuse him. I hope you fail. Always, Robbie’s mom
- Robbie was playing educational video games all night and is exhausted. What a little scholar! Please excuse him for not coming to school for the next month. Always, Robbie’s mom
- On his way to school, Robbie was saving a kitten from a tree when it bit him and then he turned into Kitten Man and tried to save the world and stuff but then his evil nemesis called Mr. Dog or something came out of nowhere and defeated him. The world is no longer safe. Always, Kitten Man’s mom
- Robbie is getting revenge on me for being terrible and not letting him go to Angela’s party, even though he cleaned his room. He has every right to be angry, and to not show up to school. I’m a stupid freaking lunatic. Always, Robbie’s mom
- As it turns out, we mistook Robbie for the wrong baby in the hospital. He goes to school in Utah now, with his parents who are in a cult-thing. We thought we would miss him, but we like their son MoonRock better anyways! It’s a win win! Always, MoonRock’s mom
- Robbie decided to become a hobo, then changed his mind. Please excuse him for not doing his homework. Always, Robbie’s mom
waiting
STOP IT! BREATHE! Pull yourself together!
So what if… well, never mind. Wait…
No matter, though, through it you’ll weather!
STOP IT! BREATHE! Pull yourself together!
Screw ‘em! Don’t let your mind tether
To the fact that they decide your fate.
STOP IT! BREATHE! Pull yourself together!
So what if… well, never mind. Wait.
jim husson
(Based on Spoon River Anthology by Edgar Lee Masters)
Not consumed by a dragon,
Nor saving a maiden from an enchanted tower,
Nor saving a kitten amidst a fiery house,
Nor bitten by a shark, nor snake, nor dog.
Not parachuting, nor motor biking,
Nor choking on the words “I love you too.”
Instead I was lying in a lousy old bed,
Wrinkled and senile,
Surrounded by family
Who care more for the contents of my will
Than the contents of my heart.
Not triumphant,
Nor striking,
My exit will be remembered by none but you.
absolutely
Uh huh, that looks great on you!
Nope, nothing’s wrong!
Of course, I cleaned my room!
Yeah, I listened to the song!
Yes, I went to sleep before twelve!
Nuh uh, I don’t have work!
No, I’m not judging when I stare!
Nope, you didn’t smirk!
No, I don’t want to be more!
Yes, I’ll be your friend!
Yeah, I’m really totally fine!
Sure, I’m on the mend!
Wow, I’m really happy for you!
Absolutely, I’ll do it later!
No, I really don’t care anymore!
No, you’re not a traitor!
Of course, I mean it! What? No!
Of course, I don’t mean to pry!
Come on, how well do you know me?
Would I ever tell a lie?
faded blue
“Oh my God, are you wearing makeup to the open house?”
“Huh?” I snap out of my daze and glance up at my friends. “No.”
“You look like you’re wearing blue eye shadow!”
I’m not.
“So what is it then?”
I inhale deeply through my nose, close my eyes, and raise my eyebrows. “I dunno. Are they really blue, or are you guys being annoying?”
I go see for myself. A face stares me down in the bathroom mirror, void of expression. A few wispy curls poke out of the reflection’s ponytail and frizz creeps its way onto the forehead. The eyelids are light blue around the edges, so light that I’d have thought I fell asleep on the watercolor painting I made in art history. But I know better. I’ve barely slept at all lately.
“It’s my veins,” I sigh as I return to my friends.
They laugh. “You’re kidding. That’s terrible. You need to get some sleep!”
My eyes droop. Uh huh.
I need to get some sleep.
pull away
She smells like the secrets she keeps, with a hint of vanilla. He only pays attention to the vanilla. Her hugs taste like scarlet pomegranate seeds, and he has to fight himself to pull away. Her words smell bitter, her hugs so sweet.
His movements are melted chocolate; every step he takes is gold. She falls into his musical arms fights to pull away. His breath is poetry, his eyes a breeze. She won’t let him go, she won’t dare. They just can’t pull away.
Over time, they spoil the connection, though their appetites don’t yield immediately. The shouting between them tastes spicier than it did before. He starts to smell the secrets. She notices, and douses herself in more vanilla.
Soon, they fight to airbrush the relationship. Sometimes they fight just to break the tension. Her smiles are canned laughter; his hugs, paper-thin. Their conversations start to sound plastic. Neither wants to fight. It’s not worth it.
Their last kiss tastes crestfallen. She moves out. He misses her vanilla; little does he know her mysteries overpower her now. She gives in to the taste of mischief, nothing holding her. He stares at his reflection and vows never to get her back. Both he and she continue on with their lives.
Sometimes, they try to make sense of it.
Neither has a clue.